Settling in to our new normal

First of all, we want to thank each of you for taking the time to read & follow our blog. Having this blog throughout our adoption journey has been so healing and encouraging. We have been able to express our feelings so honestly, whether they are good or bad.
Thank you to those who have supported us in so many different ways, you know who you are. We are forever grateful. The outpouring support and love has just instilled in Bryan and I how we want to treat others and share the love and support like we have received.

I have still been struggling to put into words our story. One thing I know for sure is that God truly had this all planned out. I look back at the years of trying to get pregnant, the negative pregnancy tests, the awful depressive feelings after IVF failed twice. I look back and can see that God wasn't doing this to punish us, its because he knew what would be better for us. He knew that adoption was apart of our journey, he knew that Shane was going to be born and need a home. I literally tear up and have moments of catch my breath crying because I don't feel like we deserve Shane. He is by far the best thing that has ever happened in Bryan & I's life. He is the sweetest, funniest, and most handsome boy we have ever met, and for us to call him ours is truly overwhelming and crazy amazing. God knew we needed those hard times in order to truly appreciate what we have now.

If we can share our story and spread hope, thats another reason we know we went through what we did. We have been able to help so many people with infertility stories of struggle and wanting to give up. To be able to share faith and hope is truly amazing and we are so thankful for our journey.

With Mothers Day coming up on Sunday, I have spent the last week praying and being truly grateful for the amazing women in my life who are "mom". My mom is one of my best friends and I am so thankful we got to make her Nana. She is an amazing example of what a mom truly is. She has always been here for us and always knows what to say. Many parental relationships can be hard, but I am thankful for the relationship I have with my mom. I hope I am half the mother my mom was to me and my 2 siblings. So thankful that Shane gets to have her in his life and hear her voice and feel her love from a distance! I am thankful for my mother in law, aunts, cousins, and grandmas who have all played such a motherly role in my life. I am forever grateful.

Now to get to spend my first mothers day I am beyond excited, but I am also guarded as I remember the sad feelings I had the last couple years on this day. The longing to be a mother and to be reminded that I wasn't a mother was so devastating. I want those out their struggling to know that your time will come. Continue to put your faith in God and know that his plan is far greater then our own and it will all be worth it. I know its cliche to say it, but I TRULY believe it. You are loved, You are SOOO LOVED!

To Shane,

I am the luckiest mommy in the world because I have you. I promise to love you and tell you I love you every single day. I promise to smile and tell you how handsome you are! I promise to kiss your boo boos and be there for you every step of the way on your journey! You can do anything little man!

Love--your mommy <3

The post we have been waiting for!!

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has supported us in so many different ways throughout our adoption journey. It wasn't an easy wait, but now that our blessing is here....we understand why God had us wait for so long. 

I've waited awhile to post this blog post, because everything we have gone through this past month has been so difficult to put into words. I have felt emotions and feelings I never knew existed. Going back and thinking about the heartache after trying for a year with no success, going through the IUI & IVF treatments, the move to a whole new state to start over, the adoption paperwork, and the nervous anxious wait for "that"phone call. All of it was long and grueling, but I would totally do it all again. Period. Looking back we are embarrassed by what little trust we had in God's plan. I know its easy to say all this after the fact, but if I would do it all again; the most comforting aspect is knowing that God has got you. He had our little man planned for us LONG before Bryan and I even got married. He did not want us to have children of our own because he knew baby boy was meant for us. We had to grow in our faith in God, our faith & love with each other, and in ourselves first. 

On January 19th I received another match phone call from one of the birth specialists. She was very informative and gave me a lot of information regarding this opportunity. The one thing about this opportunity was that it was a 6 month old baby, not a newborn as we had thought we dreamed of. 

Once we were in contact with the birth family we knew that God had his hand in this situation. Because we had just gone through a disruption our hearts were guarded for sure of all the unknowns, but this time we felt the comfort in our decision to become parents in this way. 

On January 23rd we flew to baby boy's home state and settled into the thought of hopefully bringing a baby home. On January 24th, we met our baby boy and his birth family and completely fell in love. The interactions, hugs, & encouraging/positive words were so comfortable and natural that we knew this was just the beginning of an amazing relationship. 

We signed papers on January 26th and that is when he was officially in our hands :) Our adoption agency made everything so smooth and seamless that to this day I still cannot believe it all happened the way it did. We had to stay in the state for 2 weeks after papers were signed in order for the states to approve us to take a child across state lines. So we got to explore the place he was born and where the birth family was from! We also got to spend some amazing quality time with the birth family and get to know them and learn more about where baby boy came from. We feel so blessed about this open adoption and are so thankful baby boy with know all about his birth family and be able to have a relationship with them as well!

We not only gained a son, but we gained an extended family. The picture below is a picture of his birth mom's hand and mine with his holding on tightly. This picture just pulls at my heart strings as baby boy with know he has two momma's who both love him so gosh darn much. Love has a whole new meaning now and we are exploring that love and making sure baby boy knows how much he means to us. 

I probably won't post another blog post for a bit, but wanted to make sure I shared the good news! If you want to know his name, see pictures etc, let me know your phone number and I can invite you to use an app that privately shares our photos. 

Thank you again to everyone for your prayers, encouraging words, hugs, donations, gifts, and continuous support! We are forever grateful!

Sending all our love & Aloha

Bryan, Jen & Baby Boy Guderian

Adoption Opportunity One

Gosh...where to start...

It is true when they say you will recieve "the adoption call" when you least expect it. It was a busy week with deadlines to meet at work before the end of the year and we were preparing for family to come for the holidays.

On December 21st I received a voice message from our adoption agency saying a birth mom had picked Bryan and I to be her child's adoptive parents. All I remember was big smiles and my hands shaking like crazy when I learned more of the details and called Bryan to tell him the good news. I remember feeling excited, scared, nervous, and a bit overwhelmed. It took all of our might to not shout the good news from the mountain top! After the heartache in the past though, we made sure to guard our hearts.

Without getting into too much detail out of respect for the birth family. Bryan & I flew a week after receiving the opportunity call to Arizona for the birth of the baby. We spent a week in Arizona mainly being there for the support of the birth mother as she had a lot going on in her life. We never got to meet her in person, but we corresponded with her multiple times and she will always have a little piece of our hearts. From the moment she chose us as the adoptive parents for her son, we felt an instant connection and need to care for her as well.

After being in AZ for a week, we got word that baby was not going to be put up for adoption anymore, and the birth parents are going to parent. As heartbreaking as it was for us to have to go through constant anxiety & worry and then traveling home without a baby with all our baby stuff. We could not imagine the brave & selfless decisions that birth families make when they give their child up through adoption. When we opened up our hearts to the birth mothers situation, it made the realization of the wheel of emotions that she must go through. We are so thankful to have been chosen & given hope with this opportunity.

We know this adventure is an important step in our Hawaiian adventure. As much as we looooong to have a child, we are starting to more and more realize that it is not OUR plans, but GODS plans. I know God has a special child picked especially for our Guderian family. This child will be sooooooo loved, we just have to trust God's timing. But until then, don't get me wrong, we will still grieve, we will still cry, we will still be angry, we will still question God's plan, but we hope to grow in our faith and to truly trust God's plan.

This is just a small part in our story...to be continued...

While we were waiting anxiously for all the news we got the opportunity to explore Arizona and spent some great time with each other. Neither of us had ever been to Arizona so it was great for us to be able to explore for the week as well!
I guess you can say the holidays this year are going to be uniquely remembered. We are thankful for everyone's love and support and for giving us space so we can process everything. We hope to have a more successful adoption story in the near future, but we will see what God has planned. In the meantime, prayers are greatly appreciated.

Sending all our love & Aloha,

Bryan & Jen

So much to be thankful for

As thanksgiving approaches in a week, I am continually reminded of all the amazing people/moments/ & memories that God has blessed my family and I with. 

I have found it so easy to get down and disappointed so fast when I think about the things that I want to happen. I have had visions of being able to share the holidays with our new little one and being able to introduce the child to our friends and family back home in MN. For some reason I was convinced we would be matched early on. Now that its been 6 months since we went active with our profile, and we are still waiting, I will admit I have been easily disappointed. Our agency states that matches happen on average between 1-9 months from being active, but can be longer. Getting close to that 9 months is both scary that this may not happen, disappointing that it hasn't happened yet, and exciting for the possibility that it will! Balancing all these emotions is a constant struggle.

Bryan and I continue to be dedicated in our jobs and staying busy exploring the island! We continue to find more and more places we want to share with our new little one and as family/friends come to visit! Living in a beautiful place like Hawaii has helped us continue to stay positive and hopeful. This place, every day continues to amaze me. Its like God is reminding us everyday that he has got this, he has a plan. I have a big project I am working on at work and get to hire 9 more nurses to my team! This alone has kept my type A personality very busy. I am thankful for the distraction and being able to focus on something other then the adoption ups and downs. 

Bryan and I have also been praying about Foster Care and feel God has truly called us into something much bigger than ourselves. We know a child is waiting for us through this domestic infant adoption process, one that will fit in with our family perfectly. We will continue to pray, grow love in our hearts, and wait patiently for God's timing. To have adoption and foster care stamped on our hearts is one of our biggest blessings. When I think about the infertility journey we have gone through, I am confident in saying we would not want it any other way. Being able to offer a loving home to those children that have not had that opportunity is something we are ready to share. We feel like the lucky few that God has chosen to help children in need. 

Over the last two months we have been blessed to have Brandon, Bryan's brother visiting! Life puts us on journey's in order to help us grow. Having Brandon here has been such a fun adventure AND we convinced our first person to stay and live in Hawaii with us! Brandon found his dream job and is living in a small town near ours and we are so excited to have him near by :) Having strong sibling bonds is something we have with all our siblings and could not feel more thankful! 

So many more adventures to be had...we are looking forward to what God has planned next!

Please continue to pray and share our story in hopes that we find a child to join our loving family soon!! <3 Happy Thanksgiving!

Aloha & Love from our family to yours,

Bryan & Jen

Still waiting...

Honesty alert...

We haven't posted any updates in awhile because there really hasn't been any besides the fact that we are STILL waiting. The last couple months have been an emotional roller coaster of knowing how/what to feel. We continue to wait with anticipation for some sort of contact from our agency or a family considering adoption. 

When we first went active with our profile I would keep the phone really close by and on loud because I did NOT want to miss "the phone call". 

Now that its been 4 months, it has become a little easier to set the phone aside and not dwell on "the anticipated call". Many of you are probably thinking, oh thats not that long. But when you've truly been waiting all your life to become a parent, to be this close, 4 months has seemed like a really long long time!

While we have waited, we have continued to work on the nursery, upgraded our car to have it be able to fit a car seat & gear. We moved to a new apartment within the same building, just upgraded from a 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom. 

We went through a short stint of frustration, but understood the reasons why. We had to pay a couple thousand dollars again to update our home study because of our new address. We updated our fingerprints again, all the background checks, and paperwork! We know all the hoops and hurdles we are going through will be so worth it, we just have to keep reminding ourselves of this.

 

Through faith we are continually reminded of the work God is doing for us:

"While you are waiting, God is preparing! Sometimes you are in seasons of waiting because your blessing is being prepared on the other side. Wait patiently because God is ordering your steps." 

Psalm 37:23

"You are waiting and He is working. When you have to wait for things, you cherish and appreciate them. They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength." 

Isaiah 40:31

"When you arrive at the place God has for you, you are going to need a certain strength you dot have now. Do not be wary in well doing, your reward is coming."

 Galatians 6:9

We are continuing to stay positive & busy :) 

We ask that you continue to please keep us and our future child in your prayers. God is so good and we know there is a purpose for all the waiting, emotions, paperwork, and money. 

Thank you for following our journey!

Aloha & Love from our family to yours <3

Bryan & Jen

Waiting & Rainbows

As many of you know since you've been following, we are now active for 2 months with our adoption profile :) I'm going to be honest and say waiting is tough!

We have had many moments of questions, disappointments, hope, and excitement. An emotional roller coaster to say the least. We have been working hard to stay busy and know that God's plans will happen, just not in our time and how we may picture them. We have clung to many bible verses but one that has stuck out this month: Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. --Psalm 37.7

My family went to the Noah's Ark replica in Kentucky last month and sent me lots of pictures. Such a truly amazing sight. It got me thinking how many times in the bible God has shown that being patient leads to great things if you just have patience and continued faith in God. 

Noah obeyed God & waited the entire 120 years until God finally said it was time to get on the ark. And just when they thought they were good to go, Genesis 7:10 says that after they got on the ark, they waited another week before the rain even started! Clearly from the beginning Noah had patience. Hopefully you all know the rest of this story, it flooded the world for 40 days and 40 nights and then took about 220 days for the waters to recede! Its all about faith right? We can't forget about the long wait, as that is usually when the most growth happens!

The rainbow is such an amazing symbol of Gods promise to his people. He said he would never bring a flood to kill all living creatures and destroy the whole earth again. When I see a rainbow, which amazingly we see often in Hawaii, it reminds me every single time that God is amazing and he will take care of us. Such a comforting symbol and reminder that each day is a gift from God!

The rainbow in this picture is very symbolic to me. Bryan and I were hiking Koko head stairs for the first time, something I never thought I would be able to accomplish. And on our way up we saw this double rainbow right over our apartment complex. God truly cares and knows what is best for us, even if that means waiting.....What do rainbows remind you of, besides rain? 

We also wanted to share that the frame my grandpa made for us arrived this week!!! It is the frame that we will be putting around our Honu Puzzle!!! Sooooo much love in one puzzle! We are so very thankful for all the love and support we have received and continue to receive, you all are truly amazing! 

We can't wait to put it in the nursery above the crib!!! More pics to come! 

We are so excited for our future child because we know there is so much love for them before they have even arrived!! :) We will continue to wait with patience and hope and know that God's timing is perfect :)

Aloha & Love from our family to yours~ 

Bryan & Jen

The meaning behind the wait...

Yesterday marked one month since our profile went "active", not that we're counting ;)

This first month has challenged us in many ways. I'm not totally sure what I was expecting, but this part of our journey has been extra difficult. It has only pushed us to trust God more and to trust his timing and his will. We got an update from our agency that our profile has been shared with 11 birth families. Hearing that update today was encouraging but scary all at the same time. We struggle with feelings of having to guard our hearts from disappointment and pure excitement. Finding that balance has been the struggle. So what are we doing while we wait and how are we handling it????

We continue our daily routine and work hard at our full time jobs! We have both grown so much in our careers and feel we are in the positions we are meant to be in, in this time of our lives. We are surrounded by amazing supportive coworkers, and we could not be more thankful. I have continued a side job of selling Rodan & Fields products and studying to get my coding certification which will better help me grow in the career that I am in. We have posted some of our favorite bible verses around the apartment to remind us always who is in control and that we have nothing to worry about. 

On the weekends we continue to explore this beautiful island and try to immerse ourselves in the culture and experiences that surround us in this amazing place! We cannot wait to share these moments with a child :)

We have pushed ourselves to try new things and to continue to challenge our strength and abilities physically and emotionally. Going through this waiting journey has truly strengthened our marriage and our faith in God, and we could not be more thankful. We know that God has led us to adoption to provide a loving home for a child, and oh boy do we have sooo much love to share!

We aren't the only ones waiting, we have so many friends and family waiting to hear the news and waiting to be able to help us welcome a child into our family. Even the puppies are learning they have to wait....

The meaning behind the wait...We know there is a reason for this season of waiting. We are thankful for each day we are given and we continue to pray not only for a child to join our family, but for all the birth families out there making this brave and selfless decision to provide their child a life that they may not be able to provide. We pray for these birth moms and their families and pray that God works in their lives in ways better then she ever imagined. 

We ask you for your prayers not only for God to help us complete our family with a child, but also for these birth families and the decisions they are deciding to make. It takes a village and we are firm believers in the power of prayer. Thank you all for your continued thoughts, prayers, support, and love--we are forever grateful!

In the wait....

Aloha & Love from our family to yours~