Where are we in the adoption process?

Happy Aloha Friday everyone! 

Many have asked where we are on our adoption journey and I will try to explain very simply! 

During our adoption journey we have taken/are going to take the following steps:

1. Prepare 

• As a couple we decided on growing family through adoption
• Researching adoption agencies 
• Read blogs/posts/stories of how other people have been successful in there journey to adoption
• Know where we are financially and work towards saving for adoption

2. Application & Questions

•  We found an adoption agency that we felt would be best for our journey. We applied & have received many, MANY forms to fill out. We have also spoken to our adoption specialists on the phone and through email a couple times now to discuss the process and what to expect. They answered many of our initial questions

3. Decide

• We had to fill out an "APQ" Adoption Planning Questionnaire
• This was quite easy for Bryan and I to fill out as we had already discussed kind of what our "preferences" were and what we were ready to take on
• We answered questions like how old of child are you willing to accept?  What race? Domestic vs International? Known medical/drug history? Known disability? Multiples? Budget? Open or closed adoption? We will be addressing how we came to these decisions in future blog posts just like Bryan did on the Domestic vs. International post 

4. More preparing--**We are currently here in the process** I will discuss each in future posts so stay tuned** ;)

• Online profile
• Adoption video profile
• Fundraising
• FUTURE STEPS:
• Homestudy
• Grant applications
• Profile activation
• Getting matched with a birth mother 
• Flying to where the baby is born on a moments notice
• Staying in the state baby is born for a few weeks possibly to finalize
• COME HOME w/ our family member that God has picked out for us :)

Of course there are many other steps in between but this gives you a general idea of the process. 

We are excited to receive our video camera from the adoption agency today to start taping a day in the life of the Guderians :) We feel blessed we are able to share a a little bit of Hawaii, but also we get to bring it home too and capture life in MN where we grew up and to have family/friends involved. 

Its been quite the journey so far, but we have learned so much and we are so grateful. We have gotten so much GREAT support and we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!!

Posted below are some updates on the HONU Adoption Puzzle! See HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser post for more details!

• We have about 278 puzzle pieces sponsored which is absolutely amazing! There are 1000 pieces to the Turtle Guardian Puzzle so if you feel it in your heart to give, we would be most grateful <3 If you feel like giving you can click the donate button in the upper right hand corner of the blog or just email me for our address and you can send it in the mail! jkguderian@gmail.com

Aloha & Love from our Family to yours~ 

Bryan & Jen, Matti & Toby

*Top Honu photo credit to @olphoto808*

Domestic vs. International

Domestic vs. International Adoption

Since going more “public” with our infertility story and plans to work toward adoption, Jen and I have been receiving many questions on some of the specifics. Some may be interested in these topics, others probably not. Still, we will offer some of our insights into some the specifics of our process with hopes that if you choose to look into it you will become more enlightened, inspired, and perhaps do some more research of your own!  Of course, we can’t claim to know all the answers or say we are doing it the “right way.” We definitely aren’t adoption experts. We are just learning all of this information too and have no previous experience with the process. We just keep on working, praying, and learning more and more as we go! So, here we go...

Currently, we are pursuing domestic adoption through American Adoptions. One of the questions we get often is did we consider international adoption and why did we choose to go the domestic route? We researched several international adoptions including agencies involved with adopting children in the Pacific islands (Hey, we are already out in middle of the Pacific right?). Here were some of the areas we considered.

COST

We, like many people, perceived there would be a huge cost difference between International and Domestic adoption. Although costs obviously can vary significantly, costs between international and domestic adoption seem to be quite similar (typically up to around 35k-50k). Of course, the travel cost can be significantly higher in international adoptions (flights, visas, etc.) with the potential for longer stays to meet all the legal requirements of the country. Generally, domestic adoptions also can involve less in overall travel expenses, but they often involve financial support for the birth mother in regards to living expenses, medical expenses, and counseling, which are not necessarily as commonly covered in international adoptions. We considered the cost of domestic option to be slightly more favorable in our situation, but not a deal maker/breaker one way or the other.

WAIT TIMES

Also can vary significantly depending on the adoption agency and the openness of a family to certain types of situations. American Adoptions claims about 75% of families working with them experience wait times between 1 to 12 months. International wait times in the countries we researched were more sporadic, some stating average within a year or two, others (like China) around 4 years. Impatient are we? Well it seems patience is required no matter which route you go. Again, not a deal maker/breaker but worthy of consideration.

CHILDREN AVAILABLE

Are there really that many adoptions that need to happen in the U.S.? Well, the statistics are not super clear to me. It seems there has been a steady rise in U.S. Domestic agency assisted adoptions over the past 25-30 years, albeit with a small decline over the past 5-6 years. On the other hand, international adoptions have generally seen a steady decline over the past 10-12 years. My understanding is that this does not necessarily have as much to do with the number of children available (although that may be true too), but does at least indicate that there still are many children being adopted in the United States. Regardless of the statistics, a more important point to remember: there are still many children in every part of the world that are in need of home.

MEDICAL BACKGROUND INFO

We came to find out this can be one of the biggest differences between domestic and international adoption. Generally, medical records in most international adoptions are minimal at best. Although no guarantees of complete medical records exist in adoptions in the U.S., there tends to be a greater likelihood of at least some general medical and social history available. As medical people, Jen and I are of course interested in the medical and social history from our respective job experience. Having said that, medical and social background, whether complete or incomplete, does not come with it any guarantees. The more I work as an occupational therapist in a hospital, the more I observe that anyone (even the healthy, wealthy, and popular) can face medical, psychological, or social impairments. But also, anyone can still live a life full of meaning regardless of these impairments. Having background medical and social history can certainly be helpful, but lest we forget that all children deserve a loving home regardless of any medical, social, or other background.

LEGAL ISSUES

Now to an area we are not fluent, “legalese.” Although each state has specific adoption laws and requirements, they are generally well defined in that once the U.S. courts finalize an adoption, the adoptive family is recognized as the child’s family by law. In international adoptions, there can be different legal odds and ends to work through depending on the country and their specific laws and requirements. Given our lack of fluency in legalese, we preferred to stay with what we felt more comfortable with. Sticking with our own country’s laws if at all possible.

MAKING A DECISION

There is obviously even more that goes into a decision like this. But as you can see, not really a super easy or straight forward choice. We chose domestic as our first run at adoption largely due to our comfort level staying within the U.S. for our travel, working through the laws, and medical background. But, who knows. Maybe we go that route sometime in the future?

If you have any questions you want us to try and answer in a future post feel free to comment below! 

We are still trying to complete our family puzzle so if you would like to sponsor a puzzle piece please see the post on the HONU Adoption Puzzle Fundraiser!

Aloha & Love from our family to yours!

Importance of children in our lives

I wanted to share how difficult it was for a Type A personality like me to give up full control of a plan for the future. Growing up I remember playing house with cousins, barbies with my sister, & Sims on the computer. In all of these situations I always pictured myself being a mommy, being THE mommy. I guess being an older sister I just loved taking on the "mom" role (my poor siblings ;) ) I grew up with lots of cousins, got the opportunity to work at an after school daycare as one of my first jobs. I got to watch my god daughter for a summer after she was just born, I babysat neighbors, friends kids, other family members children and I LOVED it. I grew up LOVING children. I taught Sunday school & vacation bible school and it was there I learned I was not fit to be a teacher (I give you guys LOTS of credit), but I knew more then ever I wanted to be a mom :) 

During our fertility struggle God placed amazing & supportive friends/family in our lives. People who listened, who cried with us, who were there to hug us, who laughed with us, were there to pray for & love us! I have to say we would not have gotten through this tough time without you all, you know who you are <3

Bryan & I got the opportunity to "play" parents when we (I mean, I) volunteered us to start watching our neighbors kids some evenings and one of my coworkers daughters. I am a firm believer that God placed these children in our lives for very specific and amazing reasons. Bryan and I fell in love with these kids, we took them to the zoo, went on boat rides, read them books, played legos, took them to apple orchards, went on walks to the park, & so much more. We truly love these kids as if they were our own :) Having them in our lives has taught us that hearts can be healed and there is always room for a child's love, and they don't have to be biological. These kids have given us hope & strength to keep going. These kids have taught us way more then we taught them, I can pretty much guarantee it :) When Bryan and I moved to Hawaii being away from these kids & our family has by far been the toughest part.

When Bryan and I were at a loss for what was next in our lives..we prayed. God truly revealed himself when Bryan and I discussed adoption. He opened up our hearts and showed us why things haven't worked "according to our plans".  Looking back I totally get it. He placed specific people in our lives at a specific time for a very specific purpose. It made us understand that this is definitely his plan and not ours, and we are open to whatever he leads us to, whatever child he blesses us with.

We say all the time now how comforting it is to not have to plan our future, all the pressure is off and all we have to do is follow him and keep our hearts open! Love is such a powerful thing and we feel so blessed to be surrounded by it, even from way over here in Hawaii!

Until next post...

Aloha & Love from our family to yours~

Why does adoption cost so much?

When Bryan and I started the adoption journey just a few short months ago, we had the same perspective many people have regarding the cost of adoption. Why does it have to cost so much!!?? Well, now that we have sat through some phone meetings with our adoption agency, researched, & immersed ourselves everything adoption we are very thankful for the process that is set in place, yes even the expensive part ;)

Bryan and I are so very thankful for each and every one of your support, prayers, & contributions thus far in the process. We want you all to know where the money goes and be honest with you throughout our journey. 

The list below is right from our adoption agency's website-next to it I will share where we are at in the process!

Professional Services for Adoptive Parents

This is mainly where we are at now, we have applied with an agency and we have been on the phone with them a couple times to guide us through what to expect and starting our online profile. We hope to get our home study completed by the new year and we are hoping late spring early summer to have our profile go active for birth mothers to see, then the wait for a match will begin!

• Counseling & educational preparation for adopting a child
• Orientation conferences, meetings and adoption seminars
• Arrange, coordinate & oversee entire adoption process
• Support & education throughout adoption process
• Contact with home study professional
• Hospital documentation, retrieval of medical records
• General case management services and file documentation
• Risk-Sharing Program in the event of a disruption
• Post-adoption support gatherings & events

Professional Services for Birth Parents

• Screening & evaluating of birth parents’ commitment to adoption
• Adoption counseling & education
• 24/7 support throughout adoption process
• Develop adoption plan around birth mother’s needs & wishes
• Develop hospital plan & coordinate with health professionals
• Arrange housing and travel arrangements if necessary
• Post-placement adoption counseling
• Birth Mother Scholarship Fund

Birth Parent Expenses

• Prenatal care not covered by Medicaid or insurance
• Delivery & hospital costs not covered by Medicaid or insurance
• Court-approved living expenses for pregnancy-related costs

Newborn Care and Services

• Hospital costs not covered by Medicaid or insurance
• Original birth certificates
• Physical examinations by a pediatrician

Legal Expenses

• Termination of parental rights, including publications, court costs, attorney fees
• Finalization of adoption
• Legal counsel for adoptive family and birth mother based on state laws
• Court reporting services

Investigative Expenses

• State & local background screenings
• State abuse registry clearances
• Diligent search for birth fathers

Adoptive Family and Birth Parent Correspondence

• Pre-placement contact mediation
• Post-placement contact mediation
• Letters/pictures correspondence to maintain confidentiality for 18 years

Media

• Extensive advertising: Google/Bing, Yellow Pages, Crisis Pregnancy Centers
• Adoptive Family Profile online--We are working on this currently :)
• Adoptive Family Video Profile--We are working on this currently :)
• Website Updates and Maintenance

Office Expenses

• Rent
• Phones
• Office Supplies
• Postage
• Utilities

Staff

• Salaries
• Health insurance
• Mileage reimbursement
  
  

By paying the big lump sum the Agency we chose is not only supporting us, but they support the birth mother as well! What Bryan and I love is that they provide the birth mother with money to pay for certain living expenses pre & post delivery. They stay in contact with her and offer her support.Truly if it was just that, if we could, I think Bryan and I would pay that much to help someone that truly needs it. I mean, how do we repay someone that helps us complete our family with a child? How do we thank someone enough for giving us the opportunity to become loving parents to a child? How do we thank someone for helping fill the empty hole in our hearts? See why adoption costs so much? Its not only a journey for the adoptive family & child, but the birth mother as well. 

Please know that anything you give helps us get through this journey and brings us one step closer to finding our missing "piece", our Honu finding their way home.

If you haven't already seen our last post about the Honu Adoption Puzzle fundraiser, it gives more detail about the fundraiser & it describes the very deep meaning it has to us. We have already seen so much love be poured into it.

Our goal is to write names on the back of all 1000 pieces!! Names of people who are praying, donating, & supporting us through our journey.

If you would like to sponsor 1 or more puzzle pieces you can either click DONATE in the upper right corner of the blog or email me for our address, jkguderian@gmail.com. 

The other amazing thing that you could do to help would be to spread this! Share it with your friends & family. We want to share our journey with others and provide hope & love <3

 We will be posting weekly updates of the puzzles progress!! Thank you everyone, words cannot describe our love for you all!

Aloha & Love from our family to yours ~

**List above regarding costs of adoption is credited to American Adoptions**

The Honu Adoption Puzzle Fundraiser

Adoption is expensive. Like $45,000+. Unfortunately, this reality keeps so many amazing couples from taking the steps to adopt. Bryan and I knew ever since we were young we wanted to be parents. We are blessed with the opportunity to give a child a loving home through adoption. We have SOO much love to share and we look forward to this adoption journey that God takes us on. 

When we first made the decision to adopt, one of the things that we wrestled over was whether or not we would do any fundraising. In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to. There aren’t many things more humbling than asking other people for money! It sucks honestly! It’s uncomfortable and we feel very vulnerable. But the more we talked about it and researched the options, the more we understand that it isn’t about asking people for money, but asking them to be a part of our story. Our kids’ stories, in how they got to come home. So we are so excited about this HONU ADOPTION PUZZLE FUNDRAISER!

It works like this: We have a 1000 piece puzzle that we specially picked out that is called Turtle Guardian. Remember on my Honu post I talked about the meaning of the green sea turtles and how if they are lost they always find their way home? We want to be the Guardian, the one who brings our little Honu home :)

Many have asked how they can help, well: We are “selling” each puzzle piece for $20. You can choose to buy 1, 2, 3, or 10 puzzle pieces! There is no limit! You can even go half with someone else if you want! We like to call it "sponsoring a piece"

To purchase via PayPal, click the “Donate” button that is in the upper right column of our blog or you can email me (jkguderian@gmail.com) for our address and send a check in the mail. :) We want the process to be as easy and hassle free as possible for you since you are graciously giving! We will also be coming home to MN the week of October 10-17 so if its easier to give money to us then or to our parents thats 100% ok :) If you have a PayPal account use that! If you don't you can set one up really easy and it is very secure and then its free for both parties ;) Otherwise there is an option to use a credit card for your donation if that is easier for you! Feel free to comment below if you have any questions at all!!

Once you purchase a piece, we will write your name on the back of your puzzle pieces and send you a picture w/ a little gift!! We will also let you know what we are using your contribution for along the adoption process! A future post to talk about what the money is used for. 

Once many pieces have been “sold”, we will put the puzzle together and hang it in a double-sided glass frame for the kids’ room so that they can always look back and be reminded of who had a “piece” of bringing them home! :) 

This is so special to us and we look forward to someday showing our child this puzzle that hangs in their room and getting to show them the names on the back of the puzzle and share how much each and every one of these people mean to us! They prayed, supported, & loved us through this journey and beyond <3

We want to emphasis though that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE $$, really what we ask for are your prayers, love, & support :) Bryan and I have been blessed with so many AMAZING people in our lives and we cannot wait to share them with the child God leads us to :) 

Aloha & Love from our Family to yours~~

"Honu"

In a previous post I had mentioned that I am an emotional & connection driven person. Let me try to explain, it may be far fetched but it makes sense to our story :)

The Hawaiian Green Sea Turtle, also known as “Honu,” symbolizes good luck, endurance and long life. Hawaiian legend says that turtles can show up as a person’s guardian spirit, known as “Aumakua.” When lost, turtles are excellent navigators and often find their way home. Legend states that a green sea turtle guided the first Polynesian settlers to the islands.

The connection: Bryan and I went to Cancun on our honeymoon and had our first encounter with sea turtles. We got the unique opportunity to let baby sea turtles free out in the ocean! What they did at the resort we stayed at was the mama honu would make their way onto shore and dig a hole, lay her eggs and then waddle back into the ocean making a very unique marking on the beach (which is pictured below). The resort hires marine biologists to dig for the eggs and incubate them until they hatch, when they do hatch they let the hotel guests release them into the water, one of my favorite memories from our honeymoon, and crazy the impact those tiny sea turtles have made on our life. 

The first time Bryan and I came to Hawaii was in 2014 for a last minute decision vacation and we decided to snorkel in Maui where we were able to swim WITH the sea turtles. This was our first time ever snorkeling and the vacation we fell in love with Hawaii. 

The first thing I bought for our new home when we moved to Hawaii was a picture to go above our bed, again not knowing or realizing the connection at all I bought a photo that a local photographer took of Two Honu's here in Hawaii and it could not be more perfect!

With the turtles being excellent navigators & often find their way home when lost is very fitting I feel to our situation. Bryan and I in a way felt lost when we lived in MN going through this "infertility" journey, but God led us to Hawaii a place filled with Hawaiian Green sea turtles and an opportunity to share our love with a child. We cannot wait for our own little Honu and to share with he/she someday the journey that we went on to find each other :)

When we made the decision to live in Hawaii this connection never hit us until we started thinking about adoption and what it means to us. We never wanted to fundraise for something like this but when I made this Honu connection with us and our child I knew I had to at least try to get others involved, not necessarily in a money way but a each piece of the puzzle makes a difference way. I will explain in my next post the idea of a Honu Adoption Puzzle fundraiser and how you can help :)

Our "Infertility" Journey

I have such a hard time with the word infertility. Like "infertility" is what you are, what labels you. I disagree with this. Infertility has been an impactful, but small part of our journey. We would not trade any of what has happened to us for anything because we are happy :) Being happy is a hard place to get to when your dreams of having your own biological child is what you've always wanted. 

Our struggle began back in 2012. I won't get into the nitty gritty but we tried many treatments. We did many rounds of clomid, 2 IUI's, & 2 IVF cycles. This consisted of hundreds of injections, pills, progesterone suppositories, vaginal ultrasounds, daily blood draws, and of course money. I found out in the middle of all of this that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) & stage 3 endometriosis. I had surgery back in 2014 to remove ovarian cysts and clear out the endometriosis. I was put in a temporary menopause by getting Lupron injections for 5 months to prevent the return of endometriosis. I have to say of all the hormonal changes and symptoms I had, hot flashes are by far the worst (sorry for all those that ever have to deal with these, I have your sympathy)! Ever since then in order to prevent endometriosis from coming back I have to be on birth control to control my hormones. Hard to have a baby when you have to be on birth control. So as you can tell, the struggle is very real.

It has took us a long time to just feel ok, and now we are finally in a better place and truly happy! After all the ovulation testing, negative pregnancy tests, tears, many many tears, & disappointment, one would wonder if there really is a God. I can see how people struggle with this. We went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance multiple times. All of these feelings are very real and I want others to know if they struggle with this YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Bryan and I felt very alone when we were going through this process. Not because we didn't have love from families/friends, but because we didn't have the support of others going through the same thing we were. Others didn't "get it." Since moving to Hawaii I have been able to support a couple women going through infertility and I make sure to tell them the feelings they are feeling are NORMAL and its ok to be sad and mad, but know even though it may feel like it, you are not alone. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone.

We decided to move to Hawaii for MANY reasons. But a big part of it was because we wanted a fresh start. We pictured our life back home in our 4 bedroom 2 bath house with children and when it wasn't happening we knew we had to do something. We didn't want infertility to define who we were as people! We have learned so much about different cultures, faith, each other, & ourselves living in Hawaii. Our perspective on life has grown exponentially and we would have never chosen this path for ourselves, and thats when we KNEW that God has his hand in it. We have so much comfort knowing that God will take care of us and lead us where we are supposed to be. 

We both have thought about adoption in the past, but knew that like all the infertility treatments, it costs money. Whats amazing though is this next adventure we are about to embark on may cost "a lot" of money--but we know now that you can't put a price on Love. We have so much love to share with a child and we know that God will lead us to a child who needs our Love and he will help us find the way to pay for it :) I am a very emotional and connection driven person and I have many stories to tell about Gods hand in our journey...but I'll save it for another post! 

We did not write this post because we wanted people to feel bad for us, far from it. We are posting about it now because we want to share where faith in his timing has brought us. We now have happiness and acceptance, and we feel so blessed. Prayer is such a powerful thing! 

Thank you for taking the time to read our post! If you are someone or know someone who is struggling with infertility I would love to talk to them/you. My email is jkguderian@gmail.com. I think I have found a new calling ;) 

Gods Blessings to you and your family ~~ <3 <3

Exciting news to share!!

We are so extremely excited to announce that it is our hope and prayer to add to our family through adoption!! The process can be long and the time frame is unknown, but we are a waiting family! We would appreciate your love, prayers, & support as we begin this exciting journey!!

I am sure you are wondering what brought us to the gift of adoption. Well..in short we have struggled with infertility for over 4 years and have had many hard times. BUT I can finally say, thanks to our faith in God we have overcome the darkness of infertility and are ready for the next journey in our Hawaiian Adventure! I will go in detail in another blog post for those that are interested, but we are ready to move forward and see where God leads us next!

Many that knew of our struggles have asked how they can help. The one thing that we really would like to ask for is prayers, we believe in the power of prayer and we know that if adoption is in our future God will lead us to a child who needs our love! In a future post I will explain a really fun way we are going to "fundraise," but its more of a sentimental gift that we will be able to share with our child someday and show them how many people were praying & supporting their journey to our family!

Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and joining us in the next step of our exciting journey in our Hawaiian Adventure!!! <3 <3 Love & Aloha from our family to yours ~

~Bryan, Jen, Matti, & Toby