It is true when they say you will recieve "the adoption call" when you least expect it. It was a busy week with deadlines to meet at work before the end of the year and we were preparing for family to come for the holidays.
On December 21st I received a voice message from our adoption agency saying a birth mom had picked Bryan and I to be her child's adoptive parents. All I remember was big smiles and my hands shaking like crazy when I learned more of the details and called Bryan to tell him the good news. I remember feeling excited, scared, nervous, and a bit overwhelmed. It took all of our might to not shout the good news from the mountain top! After the heartache in the past though, we made sure to guard our hearts.
Without getting into too much detail out of respect for the birth family. Bryan & I flew a week after receiving the opportunity call to Arizona for the birth of the baby. We spent a week in Arizona mainly being there for the support of the birth mother as she had a lot going on in her life. We never got to meet her in person, but we corresponded with her multiple times and she will always have a little piece of our hearts. From the moment she chose us as the adoptive parents for her son, we felt an instant connection and need to care for her as well.
After being in AZ for a week, we got word that baby was not going to be put up for adoption anymore, and the birth parents are going to parent. As heartbreaking as it was for us to have to go through constant anxiety & worry and then traveling home without a baby with all our baby stuff. We could not imagine the brave & selfless decisions that birth families make when they give their child up through adoption. When we opened up our hearts to the birth mothers situation, it made the realization of the wheel of emotions that she must go through. We are so thankful to have been chosen & given hope with this opportunity.
We know this adventure is an important step in our Hawaiian adventure. As much as we looooong to have a child, we are starting to more and more realize that it is not OUR plans, but GODS plans. I know God has a special child picked especially for our Guderian family. This child will be sooooooo loved, we just have to trust God's timing. But until then, don't get me wrong, we will still grieve, we will still cry, we will still be angry, we will still question God's plan, but we hope to grow in our faith and to truly trust God's plan.
This is just a small part in our story...to be continued...
While we were waiting anxiously for all the news we got the opportunity to explore Arizona and spent some great time with each other. Neither of us had ever been to Arizona so it was great for us to be able to explore for the week as well!
I guess you can say the holidays this year are going to be uniquely remembered. We are thankful for everyone's love and support and for giving us space so we can process everything. We hope to have a more successful adoption story in the near future, but we will see what God has planned. In the meantime, prayers are greatly appreciated.
Sending all our love & Aloha,
Bryan & Jen
