HONU adoption puzzle progress

 HONU Adoption Puzzle Progress

My family came to visit over Christmas and we were able to put together the HONU Adoption Puzzle together as a family. This means so much to us to have some of the many people we love help contribute and put together our family puzzle. Putting this together brought tears to my eyes seeing all the names of people who have sponsored a puzzle piece and prayed for us! We truly cannot wait to share with our child each and every name of the people who have prayed & loved them before they were even here! 

Seeing names of family, friends we see often and friends we barely see, to people we have never met..this has truly been one of the most humbling experiences in our lives and we have only begun this journey! 

We got confirmation that our profile is ready to be activated after our home study is complete! This means our online and paper profile are ready when we are to be shown to birth parents. As exciting and as soon as that may sound, we are still waiting to be financially ready :) Please pray that this part of the process will go smoothly and encourage us to grow deeper in our faith and our love for each other as we continue to wait! 

When the home study is complete, we are hoping by end of February it will give us a better idea of how much more we need to save for the rest of the adoption process. We know that as soon as our profile goes "active" a match could happen at any time and the money has to be ready. 

In the mean time, the time is going by fast and we are blessed to be able to enjoy some much needed time and love with friends/family in the next couple months! 

We still have plenty of empty puzzle pieces if you still would like to sponsor a puzzle piece feel free to click the Donate button in the upper right hand corner or email me at jkguderian@gmail.com and i'll send you our address :) Check out the original Honu Adoption Puzzle blog post for more details.

Prayers are greatly appreciated and please know that we are deeply thankful for each and every one of you taking the time to read/follow our blog.

I found this turtle symbolism and I just LOVE it! How true is that! <3

We cannot wait to meet our little Honu! <3 

Aloha & Love from our family to yours~

One step closer...Home Study preparation...

Happy Holiday season everyone! Along with holiday joy celebrations, Bryan and I are still working on continuing on in the adoption process! In the last month and into the new year we are working on putting together our "home study". What is a home study you ask? Well it is a basic overview of our life - including criminal background checks, finances & even our personal relationships. We are told it is one of the lengthiest steps, we are starting to see that. But luckily, we are not in a huge hurry through this whole process as we know it is all in God's timing. Don't get me wrong, I get inpatient, but we just remind ourselves often to be humbled with all that we have, especially around the holidays!

Our adoption agency is based in the mainland in Kansas and surrounding states so they do not offer someone to come out to Hawaii and do our home study for us. (Even though I don't think they would have minded coming to visit us in Hawaii ;) ) Instead what they do, is they have a local adoption agency perform the home study and report the many many page study to our child placing agency (in Kansas) for review. 

HOME STUDY STEPS

What we have done so far:

-- Filled out a lengthy application regarding our health, financial status, demographics, family, pets, & discipline statement. Turned in this application w/ our last years W-2 forms.

-- Paid the $350 application fee for the local adoption agency to process our application and help us set up the paperwork/clearances. 

-- Turned in more paperwork regarding consents, discipline policy agreement  medical risks form, birth & marriage certificates, employment verification form signed by our supervisors, multiple kinds of background check forms for all the states that we have lived in (MN, WI, HI).

--Got our fingerprints done to be processed for criminal history records.

-- Bryan and I each filled out a home study outline of 50 questions. Questions were regarding our childhood and how it impacted our upbringing, our adulthood and how we have got to where we are today, about our marriage and how a child will impact it, about how we plan to parent, how we came to certain decisions thus far in the adoption process, & questions about our home and community. 

-- Reference letters have been sent to our agency. Thank you to those we asked to complete them. <3

-- Guardianship information form (We already have to know who we are leaving the child with if something happens to us before we even get them!..I get why we have to do this but still!).

What we still have to do:

-- Pre-adoption Training classes

-- Medical clearances from our doctors

--Social worker to come to our home x 2

-- Pay a $200 processing fee for our child placing adoption agency to review this local agency's take on our home study before it gets approved

-- Pay between $1,000-$3,000 for the full homestudy 

It has been a lengthy process but we are ok with that. We have actually learned a lot about ourselves along the way! :) Answering those 50 questions really made us reminisce on our blessed chlildhoods and made us thankful for everything we have been through together thus far! The future is bright and we cannot wait!

 We again want to thank those who have given us a sponsorship for a puzzle piece/s as your donations are going towards this whole process! Every step of the way we are so thankful for you all for your prayers, support and love. We are going to start putting together the puzzle soon to show its progress!! 

We hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS "MELE KALIKIMAKA! 

Aloha & love from our family to yours~ 

Pictures are from Dec 18th 2016- Make a Wish Foundation 5k called Jingle Rock Run. 

Thankful for infertility???

It is fitting to be talking about being thankful since this week is Thanksgiving week! I could go on for a very long time about all the blessings we have in our life, but I will try to keep it somewhat brief. Bryan and I are so thankful for our amazing friends and family, the opportunity to make a difference in peoples lives in the careers we have chosen in the medical field. We are thankful for the opportunity to have been able to be brave enough to pick up and start over in a whole new place, Hawaii has been such a healing and such an inspiration for our lives and has impacted in ways we never thought imaginable. Of course I am not going to give Hawaii all the credit in this..obviously the one who's master plan this was all along should get all the credit! We are thankful for God's love and his master plan. After years of hurting God has finally brought us to a place of happiness & acceptance. We are at a point now where we are thankful, yes THANKFUL for our infertility. If it wasn't for the struggle we wouldn't be where we are today, stronger in our relationship with each other, stronger in our relationship with friends & family, and stronger in our relationship with God. Ultimately God knew we needed all this before he offered us the opportunity for adoption. He was preparing our hearts for a stronger love than we ever thought imaginable. Crazy how you can love something/someone you haven't even met yet. God has placed this on our hearts and we could not be more thankful. 

When we were home this past October we got the opportunity to see many friends and family! We got to enjoy the beautiful crisp, fall weather that we don't get in Hawaii! We got the opportunity to have a professional photo shoot with some of my favorite people, Scott & Jen from Midwest LifeShots Photography. All the pictures on this post are done by them!! Amazing!! Scott, Jen, & their family have such a special place in our hearts as we have been able to be present in each other's lives for very special moments. I got to be a part of the birth of 2 of their children while getting the opportunity to be their Labor & Delivery nurse. They were there for me during some very dark times and took me under their wing and taught me everything photography which I will be forever grateful for! I'm a firm believer that God places people in our lives for very specific reasons, and for that I am so thankful!!

After looking at all these photos, I have such a deeper appreciation for a photo. It freezes that moment in time, makes you feel like when you look back at it that you are still there! When I look at all the pictures of Bryan & I, I feel so crazy grateful that God gave me Bryan. Bryan has been my rock and he truly cares. He has such a big heart and when I see the way he looks at me, it makes me want to cry. That deep of love I know is hard to find and I feel so blessed to have married my best friend and I get to spend the rest of my life with him. This journey has made us realize the importance of leaning on each other. It taught us to communicate, forgive, love, support, and hope. I am so thankful for Bryan <3

We were able to check another thing off our adoption list as we turned in the 100+photos our agency needed and we sent in responses to many questions that they compile and put together a paper profile for us and it will be another form of advertising to birth mothers. We haven't gone "active" with our profile yet, we are hoping by this summer. We got our video profile back and love it, we will share that once we are active! Next steps are to continue working hard and saving money. Our next thing to check off our list is the home study which we plan on tackling this January! Thanks to everyone for their support and love!! We feel so blessed for all of you as well!!

Our puzzle is still a work in progress! Let us know if you want to sponsor a piece and we will put your name on it!! More info in the HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser post! 

Hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Aloha & love from our family to yours,

Bryan & Jen

Hurry up and wait

I am sure everyone has done a lot of this at some point in their lives. "Hurry up and wait". It is so easy to always look towards the future at what we want and dwell on that, but whats important we have found, is to dwell on the now! God has so many wonderful things that he is providing right now. 

Waiting to grow our family has been one of the most frustrating and most amazing experiences of our lives. On one hand it has been a very draining, emotional, and heart wrenching experience when you have a 4 bedroom 2 bath home & an SUV that you have prepared for kids and you can't fill it. We tried with all our might and it just wasn't happening. Letting go of that anger and control took time, it took healing. 

On the other hand this whole experience led us to a beautiful island that we never thought was possible to move to. We laughed and joked that we would move to Hawaii after our first 2014 vacation and then as the heartbreak continued we thought, why not? If God wants to stop us from up and leaving everything he will. AND he didn't and it has been such an amazing and positive experience. It led us to what we are going through now, the adoption process. Hawaii led us to healing and led us to grow stronger in our faith, which obviously was all apart of God's plan. It has been so comforting knowing God is in control and I don't have to plan as much as before. He will choose the child that is meant to be with us and all we have to do is love him/her :)

We know the meaning now of Let Go and Let God. Its crazy, we look back and see the dark place we were in and to be on the other side of that now, being able to look back and be thankful is so relieving. We have been able to talk to others going through similar situations and reassure them that God is still with them, even though its hard to see in the thick of things.We would not wish infertility heartbreak on anyone, if you are going through this or have in the past I pray for you, that God leads you to a place of healing and gives you hope. 

While we "hurry up and wait" I recently joined a joyful devotions group and I started a 6 week devotional series called "In the wait". Could not be more fitting! So I am excited to learn more about how God works through us in the wait!

So currently we have reviewed the Adoption video profile that we took a bunch of clips and interviews for and the company at our adoption agency put it all together for us! So we can check that off our list. It turned out so nice and brought tears to our eyes. We can't share it just yet, not until we "go active" and are open to birth mothers seeing our profile which probably won't be till early summer, but again its not my plan so we will see how it goes!

We are just wrapping up our online & paper profile and then starting after the new year we will get our home study started!! In the mean time we are both working hard full time at our jobs and continuing to fundraise :)

If you would like to contribute, there is still time :) The HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser is still growing and in need of sponsored pieces! Check out our blog post HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser to learn more about the meaning of the puzzle!!

You can click donate on the upper right hand corner of our blog or just email me at jkguderian@gmail.com for our our address :)

We appreciate all the love & support thus far. God is so good!

Aloha & love from our family to yours!

P.S. if anyone knows someone who can paint the top picture above, I would be forever grateful! It has so much unspoken meaning, for a Honu to be bringing a baby home to us. I want to hang it up in the nursery! :)

Open vs. Closed Adoptions - Contact with Birth Parents

The topic of "open" vs. "closed" adoptions has an interesting history.

Prior to the 1980s, virtually all agency assisted adoptions were considered "closed," meaning that there was generally no contact or exchanged information between birth parents and the adoptive parents and child after the adoption takes place. The files were sealed. A prospective adoptive family often would not even know where the child came from or who the birthparents were. Even if they did know who the birthparents were, they would not stay in touch with them after the adoption took place. It was not uncommon for children to grow up not knowing they had been adopted, and much more common not to know who their birth parents were, especially before age 18. At that point, access to records would often be difficult at best.

Currently, however, less than 1 in 10 adoptions are closed. Meanwhile, open adoptions where adoptive parents actually meet and stay in touch with the birthparents have become increasingly common. Open adoption can include many degrees and variations of openness. The openness could include birthparents having a say in choosing their child's adoptive parents through viewing profiles and videos of prospective adoptive parents and choosing the family they feel most comfortable with (as is the case with our agency). It also can include birthparents and adoptive parents meeting and staying in touch frequently during the pregnancy if the birthparents have decided early enough on in the pregnancy. Many times adoptive parents are able to witness the child's birth. Some families stay in touch through their agency, such as sharing pictures and videos (super easy these days) on birthday's, holidays, etc. There may be occasional phone calls, emails, and even in person visits that are mutually agreed upon and managed by the agency as well.

Certainly the thought behind closed adoptions has some good intentions, including trying to "protect" the parties involved and "finalize" things so everyone can "move on." However, its seems life isn't always quite that simple for the parties involved. It often makes things more complicated and have a somewhat more negative impact to arguably the most important party involved: the child. It very much keeps them in the dark about their biological past, why they are in the situation they are in now, and if they will ever know where they came from.

On the other hand, an open adoption process can remove a lot of the mystery from the adoption process and actually permit a greater degree of control of the decision making process on the part of all parties involved. It can allow adoptive parents to better answer their child's questions about their birthparents, why they were adopted, what is their biological background. This can help better facilitate the child's ability to come to terms with being adopted as their concerns can be addressed by everyone who was involved in the adoption process with less of the shroud of mystery. The downsides? Certainly there can be fear that the birthparents will intrude or even seek to have the child returned to them. Perhaps there may be worry that the child will be more confused over who his or her "real" parents are.

We have discussed our willingness to be in an "open" adoption, but as I said before there are many levels of this which we will have to iron out closer to when the time comes. How much contact? How often? Visits in person? These are certainly not easy questions to know how to answer. It will not always be comfortable. But the important thing we have come to understand is that an open adoption, whatever level it ultimately is, can have very positive impacts on all parties involved. So, it is worth our efforts to remain considerate of the level of openness desired by the birthparents.

This whole journey has been so eye opening and has drawn us closer in our faith in God. We would be worried anxious wrecks if we had really any control in what child ends up with us. The really neat part about all this is how excited and humbled we are that God chose us to be on this journey and to provide a loving home to a child in need :)

More to come..
Aloha & love from our family to yours <3

HONU Puzzle Progress!

Bryan and I are so thankful for those who have graciously given to sponsor puzzle pieces to help us complete our family puzzle! We also want to thank those who have kept us in your prayers, it means so much!  We are so thankful to God that he knows what is best for us and we know he places each and every person in our lives there for a reason. We have made some amazing connections as to why he has put people in our lives and we are forever grateful!

Ever since starting this HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser we have had such a deeper meaning of giving. People giving of there money, of their kind words, their continued prayers, and their support. Thank you!

We want to be honest with you along the way as to where the money is going! The money that you give when you sponsor a puzzle piece goes directly into our adoption account. We use ONLY this money that we are saving and what we are fundraising in this account and it is ONLY used for our adoption expenses. So far expenses we have paid using this account includes:

• Adoption Pre-application- $195.00
• Filming company to put together adoption video- $1,300

One of the nice things about the adoption agency we chose is we pay as we go throughout the process. Some agencies you pay all up front and aren't really sure where all the money goes. The agency is open with us and we want to be honest with you as to where your sponsored dollars are going in helping us get one step closer to the family we've always dreamed of :)

Next future expenses will be for the home study which we are hoping to get done shortly after the new year! This usually costs between $1,000-$3,000. I will write a future post about the home study and what that entails when it gets closer! 

If after reading this and you want to give you can go to the original HONU adoption fundraiser post or just click the donate button in the top right hand corner of the blog and this will connect you directly to our paypal account. Otherwise feel free to email me at jkguderian@gmail.com and I will gladly send you our address!! 

Keep those prayers coming! <3 Again, thank you thank you thank you!!!

What love people have for our child that they/we haven't even met yet! We are so thankful!

Love and Aloha from our family to yours!

Online & Video Profiles

Another exciting step has been completed and checked off our list!! And many who know me know I love my lists and checking things off!! 

After we filled out our APQ online through the adoption agency, we began filling out our online adoption profile. What this mostly consists of is Bryan and I answering questions about ourselves. Whether it be questions regarding us together/individually, our families, our community, our childhoods, jobs, and so much more. They want to know as much about us as they can to portray what life would be like for a child coming into our home. This is the part I am continually working on and finding pictures that can be placed with certain questions they ask. In this section we have to write a letter to potential birth mothers, this is where I have been praying for the right words to say to someone that has such an amazing potential to be a big part of our lives. All this information will eventually be in a paper form of a way to "advertise" to potential birth mothers called an adoption portfolio. 

Now I am finally getting to the part where we accomplished something ;) The beginning of September we set up to have the filming company that works for our adoption agency send us equipment before we left on our vacation to Oregon & MN so we could film our adoption video! On September 30th we received our equipment to record our adoption video. It came with easy to read instructions, a video camera, a small tripod, & a charger. It gave the adoptive parents (Bryan & I) questions to answer in front of the camera. Questions like, Why do you want to become parents? What qualities in your spouse would make them a good parent? What are some things you like to do separately & together? The couples interview was a lot harder for Bryan and I then we thought. Describing a dream of becoming parents into a camera was actually quite intimidating. Mostly because I was picturing us sharing our story with a birth mom who is considering adoption, and just thinking the emotions she must be feeling was overwhelming. I was feeling so much more then what I could say or describe. But that's what is nice about a video because potential birth mothers have that chance to get to know you with you speaking to them, seeing your mannerisms, seeing the love in your eyes, rather then just reading about you on paper. 

We did a short video clip with us introducing Matti & Toby as they are also a part of our family! We were able to get segments of us just walking with the dogs on our normal evening walk path and even at one of our favorite beaches. The dogs did great, went in the water got all full of sand, showed their hawaiian true selves ;) 

Then we were able to take the video camera back to MN with us and get some heart warming footage with friends & family. Something the video really wanted us to do was get footage of us interacting with children. So because we have some great little friends we were able to spend one afternoon flying kites, reading books outside on a blanket, playing on a playground, playing chalk, and just getting to enjoy our time with the kiddos and at the same time get footage of us doing what we love to do :) We were also able to have a couple friends and family members answer some questions on camera which was so sweet. We feel so blessed to have people in our lives that help us through everyday life and big life changing milestones like this one :) After we got all the footage we needed including all the interviews we sent the video camera back to the filming company! See, check!! 

Now they have to do the hard part of putting together a 3 minute video with all that footage ;) Now we wait about a month and then the company sends us a draft and we can work with them to get things changed to how we would like! I'm so excited to see what they come up with! This video won't be played/shared with birth mothers until we are "active" with our profile. We don't know that timing just yet because of financing but we are hoping by this summer!

Progress of the HONU adoption puzzle coming soon :) So thankful for people continuing to sponsor puzzle pieces!! <3

Thanks for reading! Its been such amazing healing for me to be able to share our journey, so thank you! <3

Aloha & love from our family to yours!

Age & Medical history

Age of Child

Answering the question of how old of child do you want to adopt was a topic Bryan and I discussed for awhile. There are so many children in the world who need great loving homes and to put a limit on that was difficult for us. We went back and forth but ultimately prayed on the decision. We decided to be flexible with the age but we prefer a child under 6 months. We would love to start with a child Day 1, the day they are born to be there for them from the very start. We want to be able to be there for their firsts and to encourage them in their growth & faith. We want to help and encourage them with whatever talents and goals they have and want to pursue. On our application, we did say we were flexible as we know there are all types of situations and times a birth mother can give her child up for adoption. Basically we will see if any matches come about, and God will lead us where we are supposed to be and the family we are supposed to build. 

Maternal History

Another question many people have asked about is regarding maternal medical history/drug history. 

This part took a bit more compromise. I think Bryan and I being in the medical fields made it somewhat challenging to decide how flexible to be with some of the medical and drug history a birth mother may provide. With Bryan's background working in the hospital setting, there is an understanding that medical issues, including drug use, are present a lot more than what we may believe, even within our own families and communities that we may think are "healthy." With my background as an OB nurse, I have seen babies come off of drugs after being born and it is so heartbreaking. At the same time, it is so important for these children to have an environment from now on to guide them down a more positive path. Ultimately, we cannot control what the birth mother puts in her body, nor how open, honest and understanding they may be in their medical/drug history reporting. What we can have some control over is the environment and care for the baby after being born, particularly if we are able to adopt a baby in the less than 6 months age range. This helped us come to the decision of being somewhat flexible with much of the medical history & drug history of the birth mother at this point.

We have just returned to Hawaii after a wonderful 2 weeks on the mainland! Currently we are still working on our online profile and we just submitted our video camera with clips and interviews to be put together into a video profile for mothers to view. I will explain more about this process in our next post! 

In the mean time we ask for prayers as we continue to ask God for guidance in this journey. Only he knows whats in store :) 

I will post a picture of the HONU puzzle and its progress soon! Its looking great and we are so thankful for those have sponsored a piece, it means so much to us, we love you! If you want to read more about this puzzle check out our blog post HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser. 

Aloha & love from our family to yours! 

Which Race?

I have to say, both of us growing up in small towns in MN, we were very sheltered to the world of diversity and different cultures. Don't get me wrong, we are so thankful for where we grew up and what we were surrounded by because it shaped our childhoods. We were surrounded by predominantly “white” families and midwest culture. This is not necessarily a bad thing. However, in a country that is experiencing a lot turmoil over race, or just individual identity in general, it reminds us how grateful we have been to branch out and experience different places, different people, different cultures, to hopefully gain more appreciation and respect for our diverse world.

We are now so very thankful to be able to experience living in a different state and to learn so much about the culture, foods, and people of Hawaii. In Hawaii, white/caucasian is essentially a minority group (about 25% of the population is “white”), whereas the “Asian” race (highest amounts being Filipino and Japanese) is more prevalent (about 39%). Perhaps more interesting is near 25% that would consider themselves “2 races or more.” This, along with a 10% Native Hawaiian population, makes for an interesting mix of food, cultural activities, and we think some the most tolerance and understanding when it comes to dealing with people that are different than you. Perhaps it’s partially because it’s sort of normal to be different here. We have really grown and are so thankful for the opportunity to live in Hawaii. 

Essentially, moving here has guided us in the decision to be open to any race. We have promised ourselves that whatever their culture is we will teach them where they came from. And because we are certainly not the best sources to learn about another culture other than our own, we will allow for opportunities for them to embrace their heritage and hopefully engage regularly with people who can help them better understand their background.

We know God has his hand in bringing a child to our home and we trust that he will guide us in the child's upbringing and growth! We are so excited to see whats in store for our little family!

Puzzle pieces still available to sponsor if interested! :) See post HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser for more details!! 

Aloha & love from our family to yours!

Where are we in the adoption process?

Happy Aloha Friday everyone! 

Many have asked where we are on our adoption journey and I will try to explain very simply! 

During our adoption journey we have taken/are going to take the following steps:

1. Prepare 

• As a couple we decided on growing family through adoption
• Researching adoption agencies 
• Read blogs/posts/stories of how other people have been successful in there journey to adoption
• Know where we are financially and work towards saving for adoption

2. Application & Questions

•  We found an adoption agency that we felt would be best for our journey. We applied & have received many, MANY forms to fill out. We have also spoken to our adoption specialists on the phone and through email a couple times now to discuss the process and what to expect. They answered many of our initial questions

3. Decide

• We had to fill out an "APQ" Adoption Planning Questionnaire
• This was quite easy for Bryan and I to fill out as we had already discussed kind of what our "preferences" were and what we were ready to take on
• We answered questions like how old of child are you willing to accept?  What race? Domestic vs International? Known medical/drug history? Known disability? Multiples? Budget? Open or closed adoption? We will be addressing how we came to these decisions in future blog posts just like Bryan did on the Domestic vs. International post 

4. More preparing--**We are currently here in the process** I will discuss each in future posts so stay tuned** ;)

• Online profile
• Adoption video profile
• Fundraising
• FUTURE STEPS:
• Homestudy
• Grant applications
• Profile activation
• Getting matched with a birth mother 
• Flying to where the baby is born on a moments notice
• Staying in the state baby is born for a few weeks possibly to finalize
• COME HOME w/ our family member that God has picked out for us :)

Of course there are many other steps in between but this gives you a general idea of the process. 

We are excited to receive our video camera from the adoption agency today to start taping a day in the life of the Guderians :) We feel blessed we are able to share a a little bit of Hawaii, but also we get to bring it home too and capture life in MN where we grew up and to have family/friends involved. 

Its been quite the journey so far, but we have learned so much and we are so grateful. We have gotten so much GREAT support and we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!!

Posted below are some updates on the HONU Adoption Puzzle! See HONU adoption puzzle fundraiser post for more details!

• We have about 278 puzzle pieces sponsored which is absolutely amazing! There are 1000 pieces to the Turtle Guardian Puzzle so if you feel it in your heart to give, we would be most grateful <3 If you feel like giving you can click the donate button in the upper right hand corner of the blog or just email me for our address and you can send it in the mail! jkguderian@gmail.com

Aloha & Love from our Family to yours~ 

Bryan & Jen, Matti & Toby

*Top Honu photo credit to @olphoto808*

Domestic vs. International

Domestic vs. International Adoption

Since going more “public” with our infertility story and plans to work toward adoption, Jen and I have been receiving many questions on some of the specifics. Some may be interested in these topics, others probably not. Still, we will offer some of our insights into some the specifics of our process with hopes that if you choose to look into it you will become more enlightened, inspired, and perhaps do some more research of your own!  Of course, we can’t claim to know all the answers or say we are doing it the “right way.” We definitely aren’t adoption experts. We are just learning all of this information too and have no previous experience with the process. We just keep on working, praying, and learning more and more as we go! So, here we go...

Currently, we are pursuing domestic adoption through American Adoptions. One of the questions we get often is did we consider international adoption and why did we choose to go the domestic route? We researched several international adoptions including agencies involved with adopting children in the Pacific islands (Hey, we are already out in middle of the Pacific right?). Here were some of the areas we considered.

COST

We, like many people, perceived there would be a huge cost difference between International and Domestic adoption. Although costs obviously can vary significantly, costs between international and domestic adoption seem to be quite similar (typically up to around 35k-50k). Of course, the travel cost can be significantly higher in international adoptions (flights, visas, etc.) with the potential for longer stays to meet all the legal requirements of the country. Generally, domestic adoptions also can involve less in overall travel expenses, but they often involve financial support for the birth mother in regards to living expenses, medical expenses, and counseling, which are not necessarily as commonly covered in international adoptions. We considered the cost of domestic option to be slightly more favorable in our situation, but not a deal maker/breaker one way or the other.

WAIT TIMES

Also can vary significantly depending on the adoption agency and the openness of a family to certain types of situations. American Adoptions claims about 75% of families working with them experience wait times between 1 to 12 months. International wait times in the countries we researched were more sporadic, some stating average within a year or two, others (like China) around 4 years. Impatient are we? Well it seems patience is required no matter which route you go. Again, not a deal maker/breaker but worthy of consideration.

CHILDREN AVAILABLE

Are there really that many adoptions that need to happen in the U.S.? Well, the statistics are not super clear to me. It seems there has been a steady rise in U.S. Domestic agency assisted adoptions over the past 25-30 years, albeit with a small decline over the past 5-6 years. On the other hand, international adoptions have generally seen a steady decline over the past 10-12 years. My understanding is that this does not necessarily have as much to do with the number of children available (although that may be true too), but does at least indicate that there still are many children being adopted in the United States. Regardless of the statistics, a more important point to remember: there are still many children in every part of the world that are in need of home.

MEDICAL BACKGROUND INFO

We came to find out this can be one of the biggest differences between domestic and international adoption. Generally, medical records in most international adoptions are minimal at best. Although no guarantees of complete medical records exist in adoptions in the U.S., there tends to be a greater likelihood of at least some general medical and social history available. As medical people, Jen and I are of course interested in the medical and social history from our respective job experience. Having said that, medical and social background, whether complete or incomplete, does not come with it any guarantees. The more I work as an occupational therapist in a hospital, the more I observe that anyone (even the healthy, wealthy, and popular) can face medical, psychological, or social impairments. But also, anyone can still live a life full of meaning regardless of these impairments. Having background medical and social history can certainly be helpful, but lest we forget that all children deserve a loving home regardless of any medical, social, or other background.

LEGAL ISSUES

Now to an area we are not fluent, “legalese.” Although each state has specific adoption laws and requirements, they are generally well defined in that once the U.S. courts finalize an adoption, the adoptive family is recognized as the child’s family by law. In international adoptions, there can be different legal odds and ends to work through depending on the country and their specific laws and requirements. Given our lack of fluency in legalese, we preferred to stay with what we felt more comfortable with. Sticking with our own country’s laws if at all possible.

MAKING A DECISION

There is obviously even more that goes into a decision like this. But as you can see, not really a super easy or straight forward choice. We chose domestic as our first run at adoption largely due to our comfort level staying within the U.S. for our travel, working through the laws, and medical background. But, who knows. Maybe we go that route sometime in the future?

If you have any questions you want us to try and answer in a future post feel free to comment below! 

We are still trying to complete our family puzzle so if you would like to sponsor a puzzle piece please see the post on the HONU Adoption Puzzle Fundraiser!

Aloha & Love from our family to yours!

Importance of children in our lives

I wanted to share how difficult it was for a Type A personality like me to give up full control of a plan for the future. Growing up I remember playing house with cousins, barbies with my sister, & Sims on the computer. In all of these situations I always pictured myself being a mommy, being THE mommy. I guess being an older sister I just loved taking on the "mom" role (my poor siblings ;) ) I grew up with lots of cousins, got the opportunity to work at an after school daycare as one of my first jobs. I got to watch my god daughter for a summer after she was just born, I babysat neighbors, friends kids, other family members children and I LOVED it. I grew up LOVING children. I taught Sunday school & vacation bible school and it was there I learned I was not fit to be a teacher (I give you guys LOTS of credit), but I knew more then ever I wanted to be a mom :) 

During our fertility struggle God placed amazing & supportive friends/family in our lives. People who listened, who cried with us, who were there to hug us, who laughed with us, were there to pray for & love us! I have to say we would not have gotten through this tough time without you all, you know who you are <3

Bryan & I got the opportunity to "play" parents when we (I mean, I) volunteered us to start watching our neighbors kids some evenings and one of my coworkers daughters. I am a firm believer that God placed these children in our lives for very specific and amazing reasons. Bryan and I fell in love with these kids, we took them to the zoo, went on boat rides, read them books, played legos, took them to apple orchards, went on walks to the park, & so much more. We truly love these kids as if they were our own :) Having them in our lives has taught us that hearts can be healed and there is always room for a child's love, and they don't have to be biological. These kids have given us hope & strength to keep going. These kids have taught us way more then we taught them, I can pretty much guarantee it :) When Bryan and I moved to Hawaii being away from these kids & our family has by far been the toughest part.

When Bryan and I were at a loss for what was next in our lives..we prayed. God truly revealed himself when Bryan and I discussed adoption. He opened up our hearts and showed us why things haven't worked "according to our plans".  Looking back I totally get it. He placed specific people in our lives at a specific time for a very specific purpose. It made us understand that this is definitely his plan and not ours, and we are open to whatever he leads us to, whatever child he blesses us with.

We say all the time now how comforting it is to not have to plan our future, all the pressure is off and all we have to do is follow him and keep our hearts open! Love is such a powerful thing and we feel so blessed to be surrounded by it, even from way over here in Hawaii!

Until next post...

Aloha & Love from our family to yours~